Tranquillity
by Bre'Lakor
Summary: It took Anders three years to move on from Karl's death, but even though his wounds have healed, the scars will always remain. Reflection on the DAA/DA2 interlude and Karl and Anders relationship.


_So... this is mostly me trying to figure out what the HELL happened in the DAA/DA2 interlude and Karl and Anders relationship... it's related to my other story Steps to Freedom, but you can read this as a stand alone fic too. If you haven't read Steps, I guess you can just ignore the brief Fenris reference near the end and pretend that Liam is Hawke or something ;) Liam is essentially just a minor-ish character that helps Anders get over his grief with Karl!_

_Warnings: Very mild/implied slash, rape and general angst. This might be slightly AU as well, because, lets face it, the interlude between DAA and DA2 is utterly **stupid.**_

_Finally, thank you to the very awesome Shakespira and Rewindedmiracle for beta reading this and making sure I didn't go too AU and unbelievable!_

* * *

><p><strong>Tranquility<strong>

Anders' eyes fluttered open sleepily, his vision was blurred and hazy, reflecting his struggle to awaken completely. He yawned, reluctant to wake up fully and instead curling into the warmth near him. He cuddled into the body beside him, feeling his companion grunt slightly as his arms wrapped around him. They were a perfect fit. He eventually summed up enough consciousness to glance up sleepily at his lover, a absent smile gracing his features. Liam didn't come visit him in his own clinic often... usually he went to the Rose to see him. It wasn't really normal for a whore to visit his patrons in their homes, in private, but Liam had insisted several times that Anders was an exception. He wasn't even sure why the whore had taken a liking to him... but he wasn't about to start complaining. The discount he got was an extra bonus, too.

When was the last time he'd been curled up in another man's arms? He frowned at the thought... it had been far too long. It was still painful to think of his previous lover at all, especially given the nature of his death, but Liam had helped ease the pain partially. It was ironic in some ways, a whore comforting him and helping him come to peace with his past. A rueful grin stole over Anders features as he considered it, his memories surfacing hastily before him.

o0o

"_Anders!" _

_The human girl in his arms half giggled his name out, jerking slightly in his hold as he wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck. Her hands found their way into his long hair, delving her fingers into his locks as he kissed her shoulder and received another embarrassed squeal. And then someone's hand clasped around the collar of his robes, yanking him backwards and away from the girl who's features were flaring up brightly in a blush. Annoyed, he glanced back at his captor before a sulk stole over his features at the Templar baring down upon him. _

"_Keep your hands to yourself, mage," the sour man spat out, shoving him backwards. _

"_Jealous?" he taunted in return._

_That probably wasn't the best idea, now that he thought about it. Judging by the Templar's reaction, he didn't think so either because he grabbed the girl roughly by her arm, yanking her towards him. She cried softly in protest and Anders felt fury well up inside of him as the Templar's fingers ran fleetingly up her thigh. _

"_Far from it," the older man mused sadistically. "I can have this whore satisfy me if I wish it-"  
><em>

"_Leave her alone," the blonde spat in return, lunging on the man and pushing him backwards. The girl broke free as the Templar crashed back into a nearby wall, before retaliating and grabbing Anders hard around his wrist._

_He made an attempt to fight back with magic, but the Templar moved too fast, draining him of his powers and making him weak at the knees as his strength failed him. He didn't even have the stamina to try and resist as the Templar begun dragging him out of the classroom, taking him straight towards the tower's dungeon that he had become all too well acquainted with over the last few years. It was worth the brief amusement he had given to his fellow classmates... until he saw the cruel looking man standing expectantly before the dungeons entrance. Rolan. His captor all but threw him into his superior's hands, stalking off as Anders tried to squirm away with a renewed energy, before receiving a forceful slap to his left cheek. _

"_It's nice that you always cause trouble," Rolan mused out sadistically. "It gives me more chances to explore your tight ass."_

_He tried to break free but failed as the Templar dragged him down into the dungeons, the older man's fingers already working their way into his robes. _

o0o

_Pain was coursing through him, more akin to an ache in his entire body as he was reluctantly dragged out of sleep. Someone's hands grabbed him roughly by the shoulders, yanking him up with a groan as he stumbled to stand properly. He failed, collapsing forward before the person before him jerked him straight again. Eventually he managed to compose himself more or less, his vision focusing enough to make out the Templar before him. His entire body ached, his rear most of all from the faint memories of Rolan's intrusion the previous night. He had passed out in his cell afterwards. Glancing around he forced back a groan at the hunger panging softly in his stomach, before muttering in disgust at his dishevelled robes. At least his abuser hadn't ripped them completely... he still had some dignity left, even if the material was messy and covered in dirt and dried liquid._

_The younger Templar before him took a step back through the open door of his cell, jerking a thumb silently to instruct him to follow. He did so obediently, stopping once he was outside to attempt to stretch and loosen the pain in his muscles, before a hand connected with his back and shoved him forward. He stumbled from the action, crashing into a nearby wall and hissing in annoyance before the Templar marched past him and up the stairs leading to the rest of the Tower and out of the dungeon. He followed reluctantly, trying his best not to cringe in pain with every step he took. As much as he hated the embarrassment of it, he would have to see one of the other mages for healing later. Better that than make himself susceptible to infection. _

_They passed through the door leading out of the dungeon, and the Templar escorted him back to the apprentice quarters, before shoving him inside with another slap to his back. An elven girl close to his age hurried over to support him as he almost fell again, her eyes already narrowed in a glare as she carried him over to an unoccupied bed. With her aid, she set him down on it and he glanced up at her, managing to find it in himself to offer her a grin._

"_You're an idiot," she spat out with far more affection that she probably would have liked._

"_I love you too, Eliane."_

_She rolled her eyes at his comment, a faint smile tugging at her lips. "Just the same as how you love every other female in this tower."_

"_Nah, you're like a sister," he replied with soft chuckle. "The rest of them? Weell..."_

_He wasn't given a chance to finish the sentence, instead feeling her hand slap him across the cheek. He hissed at the pain, glancing up at her with a glare and seeing her shake her head in a mixture of annoyance and affection._

"_Try to not get yourself killed by the Templar for the next few minutes," she muttered. "I'll go find Karl, even I wouldn't bring one of the enchanters here to heal you for this. Although, the thought is tempting."_

_He made an attempt to reply to her comment, but she stalked off instead, leaving the room as he eased himself down onto the bed. He tried to find a comfortable position, but failed, instead opting to roll over onto his stomach and wait. Thankfully the rest of the apprentices were out practising or in classes... he didn't really care enough to consider why Eliane wasn't. Eventually he heard the muttering of two voices outside the room and turned his head over to it, seeing his elven friend conversing with another man, several years older than him. _

_His gaze flickered to the male of the pair, taking in the sight of his scruffy brown hair and stubble. His brow was furrowed, his blue eyes occasionally glancing over towards Anders every now and again amidst is conversation with Eliane. The blonde himself paid little attention to what they were actually conversing about, he didn't care enough either way. Karl neared almost a decade older than Anders himself, but... such things didn't really matter in the Circle. When they were younger, the brunette had been victimised by some of the other apprentices for his attraction to men - Karl was lucky he had never developed a passion for pissing off the Templar like Anders had. If the older apprentice had done, he would have had his body abused far worse than the blonde himself had._

_Eventually he heard Eliane nod her head and mutter something, before walking away. Karl turned to him properly soon after and walked over, a comforting smile on his lips. He tried to return the gesture, but instead managed a weak lip quirk before failing. The older man sat beside him, sighing audibly._

"_Anders..." he half gasped out. "Why do you always get yourself into these situations?"_

"_What can I say?" he muttered out. "I just love pissing off the Templar."_

_Karl chuckled softly, placing a hand gently against his back and causing Anders to flinch slightly under the touch._

"_Do you mind if I heal you?" the older mage asked carefully. "You aren't really in the best state to do it yourself... but I can get someone else if you would prefer."_

"_It's fine," Anders said to reassure him. "You may like cock but I know you're not about to force yourself on me like the Templar do."_

_That comment seemed to shock Karl slightly, and Anders twisted himself slightly to stare at the older man. The brunettes features were tinged pink slightly, before he shook his head and dismissed the embarrassment._

"_You do have a way of phrasing things, I'll give you that," Karl mused with a slight chuckle as the blonde returned to burying his head in the pillow before him._

_He felt the older man's hands slip under his robes then, sparing him some of his dignity before they graced over his abused rear. Anders tried not to flinch as he felt Karl's hands rest on his skin, it was difficult not to considering the way his behind was often treated by older men... but he managed to suppress it. He felt the brunette send forth a wave of magic then, knitting together the tears Rolan had done to him the previous night, before cleansing the area of potential infections. He worked swiftly, pulling back within seconds, much to Anders appreciation._

_He may have trusted the older mage, but that didn't mean it wasn't embarrassing to have another man's hands hitched under his robes. It didn't matter though, he felt better already and shifted himself to sitting up properly. Anders glanced over to his companion, offering Karl a grateful smile that the brunette returned briefly, before glancing away and avoiding his gaze. A faint blush tinged the older mage's features and Anders grimaced slightly at the sight, feeling slightly guilty. It was probably awkward for Karl to heal him so intimately... Maker, the couple of times he had done the same for other girls that the Templar had raped it had been mortifying enough. _

"_You will be fine," Karl spoke eventually, standing up and turning to face him. "For now at least. I can't promise Eliane won't murder you, though."_

_A grin stole over Anders' features at the comment, and he managed a slight laugh. "Oh but that would disappoint the Templar so much! Actually, might give Cullen a chance to finally punish her. I bet he'd love that."_

"_I'd rather not think about that," Karl half gasped out, shaking his head._

"_You and her are both the same. So prudish!"_

_The older mage simply laughed quietly, rolling his eyes and turning around to leave as Anders laid back down on his bed once more._

o0o

_Anders cast a cautious look around him, glancing back at the other apprentices and Templar that were distracted behind him. It was the perfect opportunity... And he wasn't about to let it go. He slipped away hastily, running down to the bank surrounding the Tower, before coming to a halt and slipping his fingers into his robes. He undressed quickly, throwing aside the material and shivering slightly from the cold. As much as he didn't like the thought of diving into the lake half naked, he didn't have much of a choice. He couldn't swim in robes. Once he was stripped to his underclothes he stole another cautious glance at his companions. He probably should have said good bye to his friends first... but he didn't have time. _

_He dived into the water, spitting out a curse as soon as he stopped shivering enough to be able to speak. Perhaps this wasn't the best idea... no. He steeled himself and forced his body to swim, drawing on magic to ease his stiff and objecting muscles. If he was going to get all the way to the shore he would need to use all the magic he had to get there. Swimming all the way across Lake Calenhad was no small task. _

_By the time he reached the shore he was drained of all his mana and completely exhausted, only just finding the strength to haul himself up onto the bank before collapsing down and lying flat on his back. Once he regained his strength he sat up, already shivering badly from the drying water on his skin. He ignored it and he pushed himself into a standing position, walking away from his former prison. He had won again, perhaps this time permanently._

o0o

_If Anders had known that one time he swam across the lake that he would be conscripted into the Wardens and forced to spend days walking behind the Queen of Ferelden, he probably would have thought twice about diving into the water. But he hadn't, and in some ways, it was nicer than the Tower. At least, now that they were done battling the darkspawn and were rebuilding Vigil's Keep and Amaranthine. Before when they had been battling the tainted creatures it had been hell itself, but now... now it was decent. Not perfect, but he could manage. And besides, staying with the Wardens meant he was safe from the Templar for the time being. That was always a bonus. He strode through the still standing part of the Keep, half smirking to himself at the looks of respect that various soldiers gave him as he passed them. He was still arrogant, that much was sure. _

_He stepped outside soon after, spotting Nathaniel conversing, or at least attempting to with Velanna off to the side. He grinned at the sight, catching the humans attention and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively to him. The rogue blushed at his action, looking away and raising a hand to scratch at his neck awkwardly as Velanna stared at him with little amusement. _

_Anders ignored the pair after that, finding his gaze grabbed by the sight of Justice – or more, Kristoff's body – leaning against a nearby wall, his head hung and a look of worry creasing his features. Concerned, he approached his friend, noticing with an increasing alarm that the man, or... corpse... or whatever, was shaking and struggling to breath. Or whatever in the Maker's name it was that the creature did that vaguely resembled breathing. He placed a hand on Justice's shoulder out of concern, noticing the corpse's gaze snap to his, his eyes glowing a faint blue._

"_Justice?" Anders prompted softly._

"_Anders... my friend." The spirit's voice was pained and broken. "It is... nothing."_

"_It's not nothing!" The blonde retorted with a little frantically. "What's wrong?"_

_He didn't give the creature a chance to answer, instead trailing his hands over the corpse before him and trying to pinpoint whatever it was that was distressing his friend. His gaze travelled over the other man's skin, before he bit back a curse as Justice shifted slightly and the site of decaying flesh graced his vision. He stared at it with wide eyes, hooking his fingers under the body's armour and pushing it down to try and better survey the extent of the damage. The armour refused to comply, so instead he sent forth a small wave of magic to assess the decay... and almost stumbled backwards in shock at the horrific extent that he found. It was amazing that Justice's host body was even managing to stay together at all._

"_Kristoff's body is decaying," Anders stated simply._

"_Yes..." Justice replied a little sadly as the blonde pulled back to gaze at him properly. "I am not sure why."_

"_Your host is dead," he replied with a frown. "With abominations, the people they are inhabiting are still living, perhaps... maybe..."_

_He trailed off in thought, stepping back and casting a quick glance back at Justice who looked quite confused._

"_Excuse me," he supplied hastily, before hurrying away and back into the Keep without a second glance. He had seen a book about this weeks ago in the Keep's library. Now would be a good time to dig it up again._

o0o

"_Are you sure this is what you want?"_

_It took everything he had not to gulp and run straight away, but he forced himself not too, instead staring at Justice's body before him, trying to suppress his fear. _

"_Yes," he answered shakily._

"_I understand if you don't-"_

"_No," Anders interrupted. "I'm not going to let you decay and die... well, I'm not sure if spirit's actually die, but whatever it is that happens when you hosts rejects you."_

"_There could be another way."_

"_This benefits us both," he said, trying mostly to convince himself rather than the spirit himself. "You've said you disapprove of the way mage's are treated here, the way they suffer... help me make a difference."_

_Justice's body nodded slowly then, his features lighting up in determination. "Are you sure how this works?"_

"_I haven't got a blasted idea," Anders admitted truthfully, managing to find it in himself to laugh dryly. "But it wouldn't make a difference either way."_

_He grasped the corpse's hands then, trying not to baulk too much at the decaying flesh under his fingers, before drawing on magic and sending forth his presence into the creature. He found Justice's consciousness, trying to send out his own mind to touch the spirit. His friend seemed to realise what he was doing and drew towards him. Anders felt the slight push on his mind then that he had heard the Templar harp on about with regards to demons... the slight request for entry, albeit without the promise of lavish rewards that evil beings brought. Instead, he felt the purity and nobility of Justice's being, the desire to fight for mage's and all that they had suffered... and he opened himself to it, allowing the spirit in._

_Nothing the Templar ever warned could have prepared him for the feeling of Justice melding with him, and the shock was too great that he stumbled backwards away from the corpse. Kristoff's body collapsed onto the ground and Anders' eyes widened in surprise. The only thing he could see was the intense blue light shining around him, encasing his entire body. Good thing they decided to do this in the middle of the night in his own quarters... Justice's being pushed further into his mind, melding with his thoughts as the shining blue light dissipated inside of him, sucking up into his body at an alarming rate. Once the last remnants of light disappeared a force of magic burst from Anders' body, sending everything around him flying as he collapsed to his knees. _

_He couldn't focus on anything in his vision, barely noticing the blue streaks adoring his skin as he felt Justice firmly cement himself into his being. It wasn't unpleasant so to speak, more unusual... and strange, very, very strange. He could feel Justice whispering to him in his thoughts, the spirit's values and beliefs flitting around his mind and mingling with his own. It almost overwhelmed him by the purity of the creature, a figure of absolute good and righteousness... it was awe-inspiring. _

_Justice receded after several minutes, becoming comfortable with his new host and settling into the deeper part's of Anders' mind. And the blonde collapsed onto the floor from exhaustion, racing into sleep within seconds as he lost the strength to stay awake. _

o0o

_Anders felt his expression plummet at an alarming rate as he saw the several Templar riding into Vigil's Keep. The man leading the approaching group locked his gaze on him, giving him a sadistic grin and it took everything the mage had in him not to run up and gauge his eyes out then and there. Rolan. Again, here to torment him no doubt. He didn't even realise he had been balling his fists up at his side before Elissa patted him on the shoulder, and he almost spun around and attacked her. Thankfully, he stopped himself and saw her blink at him in surprise, before approaching the Templar as he dismounted._

"_My Queen," Rolan murmured out, bowing respectfully. "It is a pleasure."_

"_The pleasure is all mine," Elissa replied flatly, suspicion seeping through her voice. "Why does the Templar order feel the need to send some of their own here? We agreed Anders was to be entrusted into the Grey Warden's. Permanently."_

"_Yes, well... as much as we trust your order and it's judgement, this is still an issue for us-"_

"_I won't let you take him back."_

_Anders felt his heart swell with affection for his commander then. He probably didn't deserve her loyalty... but he would accept it nonetheless. She was far too good a friend for him. _

"_We thought that would be the case," Rolan replied with what the mage assumed was meant to be a reassuring smile. It came across more as a slimy grin. "I am here to watch over him."_

"_I didn't agree to thi-"  
><em>

"_No," the Templar interjected. "But you _will_." _

_Elissa held his gaze firmly then for several minutes, both of them trying to stare each other down before the Queen finally gave up. "Fine. But you don't need the rest of your companions for that."_

"_No, no," Rolan said. "They are only here to accompany me to Vigil's Keep. They are continuing on to Denerim and will leave in the morning, if you would provide them with the night's rest." _

_Elissa nodded, turning swiftly on her heel and marching away with her characteristic look of concealed rage. She brushed past Anders, offering him a sympathetic smile as he hurried after her, eager to be anywhere _but_ alone with Rolan. _

o0o

_Unfortunately, avoiding Rolan was easier said than done, and over the coming weeks the Templar continually stalked Anders more and more. At first the mage simply preoccupied himself with Nathaniel or Oghren, seeking refuge with his companions with various discussions or activities. But that could only last so long, and he soon realised he was ending up alone and watched by the Templar. It unnerved him, and not only because his previous memories of the man... but those played a large role in it too. He could sense Rolan's leering gaze on him far too often, travelling his perverted eyes over his body as he tried to ignore him. This day was no different than the others, and Anders had been so disturbed that he had slipped hastily out of the library he had been reading in, trying to escape the Templar and hurrying down the corridor to find someone, anyone, that could protect him. _

_The sound of heavy footsteps clanking on the ground behind him sent a jolt of fear up his spine and he hurried his pace, barely managing to maintain a walking pace instead of breaking out into a run. He kept his gaze firmly ahead of him, barely noticing that the corridor was deserted apart from him and his pursuing Templar. And then he felt something slam into him, knocking the wind out of him and draining his energy. He stumbled forward, collapsing onto his knees as his head span in disorientation. Only when he felt Rolan's hands yank him up and press him against a wall did he realise the Templar had attacked him. _

_He glared furiously at the other man, feeling Justice inside of him stir to life as he tried to pull away without using magic that the Templar could use to accuse him with._

"_I suggest you stop moving, whore."  
><em>

_He refused, lashing out at Rolan before the man caught his hand mid-air and pressed forward to sneer at him. "Don't even think about it."_

_The Templar's hands lit up once more with their draining powers, reducing Anders to sink down against the wall out of exhaustion, barely able to keep himself upright let alone resist Rolan as he spun him around and slammed him into the wall. He cringed at the pain, feeling the Templar's hands pin his own above his head, clasping around his wrists and ready to drain him any further if he tried to resist. Naturally he did try, but Rolan retaliated quickly, kneeing him hard in the back and drawing a gasp of pain from Anders. The Templar yanked his head back by his hair, before slamming him back into the wall and causing the mage to groan as he felt his thoughts swim around his head pointlessly in disorientation._

_He didn't even have enough consciousness about him to hear when the Templar's hand started undoing the ties of his plate armour, and he was in even less of a frame of mind to try and suppress Justice as the spirit raged to take control of his body. Justice seized domination of his mind easily, causing his body to flash up with streaks of blue as his eyes burned with rage. The spirit forced an attack out of his drained body, drawing on the Fade itself for more mana and catapulting the offending Templar backwards. Anders felt himself turnaround under the spirit's control, advancing mercilessly upon the shocked Rolan as he stared up at him in disbelief. _

_Justice only hesitated when the sound of footsteps rushing towards him reached his ears. Anders' head snapped around to stare at the three Grey Warden's hurrying towards them, their features alight with surprise as they stared at him. He didn't even know who they were... but he guessed they had come running at the sound of his attack. _

"_Abomination!"_

_His gaze snapped back to Rolan who was glaring at him, his hand already reaching for the hilt of his sword. The Templar wasn't given another opportunity to act as Justice attacked him, pouring magic out into a tide of searing fire. Rolan gurgled a scream as the spirit sent more magic into the attack, scorching the man's skin and leaving the Templar a blackened mess on the ground, the smell of singed hair filling the air._

"_A-Anders!" One of the Grey Warden's gasped out in shock, snapping Justice's attention towards the man._

_He tried to stop the spirit then, but he failed, instead observing in horror as he watched his hands twist against his will and murder his colleagues. Justice drew on more fire, sending pillars of flames out to attack the men. The sounds of the Grey Warden's screaming was worse than the smell, it horrified Anders to hear it but he couldn't summon up the strength to resist as he watched the men collapse to the ground in burned hulks of their former selves. Only then did Justice reluctantly relapse his hold and Anders seized the opportunity, forcing his control back over himself and almost stumbling over in pure shock and horror._

_He collapsed onto the ground, staring at the floor, stunned. He could feel his lips becoming sticky with the vaporised fat in the air from the burnt men, solidifying on his skin and enhancing his disgust at what had happened. It took everything he had not to break down into tears right then and there, and eventually he managed to compose himself enough to stand. He heard more footsteps approaching and staggered to turn around, the look of Elissa's shocked expression almost enough to make him kill himself then and there._

"_Anders..." she whispered. "What happened?"_

"_I..." he began, before faltering. "I couldn't... Rolan, he... Justice-"_

"_Justice?"_

"_He's not dead," he gasped out eventually, shame welling up in him as he the lies he had been telling her spilled forward. "He didn't return to the Fade... he did this. I couldn't stop him, I tried, but... I couldn't."_

"_You took him into your body..." Her voice was, understandably, filled with a mixture of awe and hurt._

"_I have to go," Anders blurted out, his brow creasing in pain. "I can't stay here, not after this. The Templar, they... they won't accept this. Not even with your influence-"_

"_We can work through this, Anders, it will be fine-"_

"_No! It won't," he pleaded with her. "I'm sorry Elissa, but I can't."_

_She nodded her head slowly then, a look of disappointment sweeping over her features. "...I understand," she said eventually. "When are you leaving?"_

"_Right now," Anders replied, already pushing past her and making his way to his own quarters._

_He didn't even stop to say goodbye to the rest of his friends, instead fleeing straight away with his tail between his legs. It didn't matter to him – he would rather be seen as a coward running away than face the shame and consequences of what had happened. He didn't even know where he was going, and it didn't matter. When he arrived in Denerim he jumped on the first ship he found, unconcerned of where it was going or what part of Thedas he was travelling to._

o0o

_The part of Thedas that he did end up travelling to was the Free Marches – a small harbour village near the larger city of Kirkwall. He hurried off the boat quickly, not stopping to spare a second glance at the Rivaini woman who had captained it, especially given his encounter with her at the Pearl... no. That would just be too embarrassing to look her straight in the eye again. Not that it had been unpleasant per say, but, well... she would probably harp on about his electricity trick in front of everyone around him. That wasn't something he felt like going through. _

_The city itself was decent enough, foreign, but passable. He hired a room in the local inn, spending the rest of the day trying to sleep off his sea sickness and exhaustion, before rising early the next morning and venturing out into the village to buy supplies. One of the merchants was giving him a curious look, probably surprised by his obvious Fereldan-ness... the pale skin and accent usually gave it away. Regardless, he didn't find anything of worth and excused himself from the man's attention, turning away to continue on his path. _

"_A...Anders?"_

_That was when he heard his name being called. _

_He almost span around in alarm and fireballed the person calling him as he felt Justice reel up in alarm. Thankfully, he managed to control the spirit and instead carefully turned around to find his gaze landing on a very familiar face. He felt his mouth drop open in shock before he forced it closed and blinked several times in surprise._

"_Karl!" _

_The man grinned at him, stepping forward and pulling Anders into a friendly hug before stepping back. Anders grinned at his new-found companion, glancing around himself briefly out of instinct to ensure they were not being watched by suspect Templar. The other mage looked older than the last time he had seen him, then again... Anders himself had probably aged a far bit in the last few years too. Karl's hair was grey, probably prematurely... and his beard had grown out a great deal. It suited him. He actually looked quite handsome, the grey of his hair complemented his blue eyes brilliantly._

"_You got out of the Tower?" Anders queried eventually, receiving a nod from Karl. "Never thought I'd see you in the Free Marches!"_

"_Neither did I," his friend chuckled in return. "I escaped, but from what I've heard, you've been causing quite a stir back in the Grey Warden's."_

"_Yes..." Anders half groaned out, smiling a little sheepishly. "Long story that."_

"_Indulge me," Karl replied with a chuckle, gesturing towards the only tavern in the small town they were both in. _

_He later learned that Karl had been sent to the Kirkwall Circle when they needed new talent, but had escaped during the journey. He almost felt proud of his companion... perhaps his ways had rubbed off after all. He had carefully told him of his departure from the Grey Wardens, avoiding speaking of the exact events that led too it. He couldn't bring himself to discuss Justice with anyone else, not even someone who had been his friend for years. He suspected that Karl thought there was something he was hiding, but the older mage didn't push the subject, and Anders was grateful for the simple mercy of having a friend once more._

o0o

_Someone's lips were pressed to his, softly kissing him as that same person's hands curled around and caressed his cheek, reluctant to allow him to pull away. And Anders was returning it... happily, in fact. His arms were wrapped around his lover, holding him close as if he feared they would run from him. Much to Anders annoyance, his partner pulled away after a couple of minutes, regarding him with a thoughtful expression. He blinked out of mild surprise as he noted who he was staring at._

_Karl._

"_I didn't..." his companion started, before pausing. "I didn't think you were into, well... men."_

"_I wasn't," Anders admitted. "Not until... ahhh... someone opened my eyes, shall we say?"_

_He couldn't help the rueful grin stealing across his features as his thoughts briefly flickered to the Antivan elf from Elissa's past that he had met at Vigil's Keep. The tanned elf had quite enthusiastically insisted on 'opening Anders' eyes' to new possibilities... it had worked, more or less. _

"_Oh, I'm not complaining," Karl replied with a soft chuckle, coaxing Anders' head down. "I always hoped you were, well... inclined towards the same gender, while we were apprentices."_

_A blush began emerging on Anders features then before his new-found lover's lips pressed to his, silencing any further attempts to speak. It was an odd feeling... but not one that he minded. He had suspected that Karl had always been interested in him, but the older mage had been polite enough not to mention it, but now?_

_Now things were different. He found Karl strangely attractive, despite his greying hair and beard... his features were still young and youthful, and, well... he didn't have a half bad body either. But it was more than physical, Karl had always been there for him in the Circle, ready to help him after he pissed off the Templar for whatever reason it had been that time. And even now, Karl didn't judge his unexpected departure from the Grey Wardens, he was understanding and most of all... he didn't judge._

_Even then Anders knew that he loved him._

o0o

"_Anders... wake up."_

_He grunted and scrunched his eyes up, trying to ignore the voice calling him. Eventually his companion seemed to become annoyed, because he kissed his forehead and Anders felt his cheek being pinched. He awoke reluctantly, glaring softly at Karl as the older mage smiled back at him._

"_Good morning."_

"_Hurmph." He couldn't really manage anything more coherent and he blushed slightly at the naked man before him. The redness on his cheeks only increased further as memories of the previous night filtered back to him._

_Karl's body, all over his. The older man's lips kissing him, dragging his tongue up his naked chest, his hands stroking his erection as a groan left the blonde's lips involuntarily. _

_He had never voluntarily been with a man before sexually, but Karl had been gentle with him. Kind. Loving. He had moved slowly, pausing despite his own obvious pleasure to ensure Anders wasn't suffering. It was oddly erotic in comparison to the Templar, feeling another man buried deep within him... the look of pure rapture on Karl's features as he came, filling him with his hot seed as Anders tumbled over the edge alongside him. It was unlike nothing he had ever felt before, the feeling of being dominated by another man... he didn't mind it. No, he loved it. _

_And then waking up this morning, drenched in the smell of his lover... still stained in his own dried sweat and release. It was intoxicating. _

"_Anders," Karl prompted softly again, with an amused smile._

"_What...?" he half grumbled out. _

"_It's morning. Time to wake up."_

"_...Fine."_

_The older mage laughed then, planting a soft kiss on Anders' forehead before pulling away to get up._

o0o

_He was running, for his life no less._

_The Templar had found them again, it wasn't really surprising. The Templar always found them eventually._

_He knew his Karl was struggling. Granted, Anders himself had been forced to develop quite a bit of muscle and physical endurance after joining the Wardens... but the other mage? No, his companion was still fresh to the life of an apostate. __Well, so to speak. At least, he was fresh to the aspect of fleeing for his life constantly._

_Anders felt bad about it. If it wasn't for him, his friend would never have been forced to run for his life as much as he did now. But... Karl had refused to abandon him after they met, insisting that he stay by his side despite the knowledge that Anders would attract far more attention from the Templar than the average apostate. _

_He heard a gasp from behind him and a body collapsing. Anders halted immediately, spinning around to glance at his companion and rushing over to him as the man knelt on the ground before him, gasping for breath and panting heavily. _

"_We have to go," Anders urged, receiving a weak head shake from his companion._

"_No... Anders, I... can't," the man gasped out, raising his head to smile at him softly. "Go, please."_

"_No!" Anders gasped out defiantly, glancing over his companion's shoulder in alarm as he saw the Templar approaching in the distance. He locked his gaze back on the man, before frantically grabbing his arm and trying to wrench him into a standing position._

"_Anders, leave me," his companion pleaded. "I cannot go any further."_

"_Don't make me do this..." Anders gasped out as he felt tears prick at his eyes. "Please..."_

"_Do this for me."_

"_I can't-"_

"_You can," the man interrupted, bringing a hand up to cup Anders' cheek and caressing it softly. "Go."_

"_Karl, I..." Anders frowned then as he faltered. "I'm sorry."_

_A weak smiled graced his companions features then and he nodded gently. "I know."_

_Anders forced himself to stand then, taking a final glance back at his companion before wrenching his gaze away and forcing himself to run once more. _

_He couldn't bear to look back as he heard some of the Templar's come to a halt, ignoring the shouts from them as he continued to run, hoping against everything that his companion's sacrifice wouldn't be in vain. _

_Part of him wanted to hope that Karl wouldn't be made tranquil immediately or worse, killed. Months ago he would have hoped without a second thought for the best... but now? _

_He was beyond hope._

o0o

_The dagger slid easily, sinking home into its target with an unnerving accuracy. There wasn't anything he could say to describe the situation, there were no words that would suffice to explain his feelings. Instead, he stepped forward, already resigned to his fate and took Karl into his arms. The tranquil mage made little attempt to protest as he laid him down on the ground, kneeling on the cold Chantry floor and cradling his bleeding body. Even in death, his lover looked so peaceful. So beautiful... Anders choked back a sob._

_He couldn't help himself, he buried his face in Karl's shoulder, ignoring the blank expression on his face and allowing tears to well in his eyes before streaming down his cheeks. His fingers tugged at his dying lover's robes, desperate for some kind of hold on him as he felt his body fall limp in his arms. His tears were soaking the tranquil's clothes, but he didn't care. Nothing mattered. Not the people standing behind him, observing his weakness... nothing._

"_Anders..."_

_Karl's voice croaked out his name and he shuddered another pained sob into his robes, clutching his body tighter to him. _

_He had never dared to love before then. He was such a fool, he should have known better. It wasn't even killing Karl that hurt the most... tranquil didn't love, they couldn't comprehend it. The blank look he had received upon finding his lover had been worse than anything. The look had torn his heart apart, ripped it in half worse than anyone else could hope to achieve. It was a look of utter lack of emotion, a confusion at how Anders could possibly love him... everything they had shared, lost completely. Karl had loved him before. He knew that. But to see him stare at him like that?_

_Having the tranquil reject him would have hurt less – at least then his lover would still have acknowledged they had shared something at one point, but this? Karl hadn't been able to comprehend their relationship, no matter how much Anders shouted and screamed at him between tearful sobs. _

_There was nothing there, all the previous love snuffed out with one heartless act from the Templar. It was worse than anything they had subjected him to in the Tower. _

o0o

Anders let out a deep sigh as he pushed away his memories, tears welling up in his eyes as he buried his face in Liam's chest. The sleeping whore grunted slightly, tightening his hold on him. It provided z comfort to him that he was grateful for, but... nothing his current lover did for him could ever completely erase the pain that filled him whenever he thought of Karl. Nothing could ever had prepared him for that fateful day when he had been forced to kill the older mage, and even had Hawke been understanding and compassionate... it wouldn't have made a difference at all. It was bad enough losing his lover, but having to kill him himself? That was worse than anything.

He had failed Karl, even after everything. He had come to Kirkwall purely to rescue him – that was where the mage was taken after the Templar caught him. And to fight so hard to free his lover, only to find him tranquil and then have to kill him? It was worse than anything he had faced before. That day he had vowed never to allow himself to falter like that again, that he would never fall in love so hopelessly... never care for another. It was ironic then that he was struggling now to suppress his affection for a certain glowing elf, even if said elf clearly hated him with all his being in return.

Anders shook his head, forcing away the thought. He wasn't going to allow Fenris' vile features to ruin his memories of Karl as well, especially given the elf using his former lover in vain during one of their arguments.

He felt Liam shift slightly then and curled in tighter against his chest, nuzzling against the whore's skin and closing his eyes as he felt exhaustion sweep him down into sleep once more.

He had failed Karl that time the Templar came for him, and while he may have come to accept it himself, he would never forget it. He would heal, but no amount of time would erase the scars of his past completely.

o0o

"_I've always believed people fall in love with a whole person, not just a body. Why would you shy from loving someone just because they're like you?"_

_- Anders, Dragon Age 2_


End file.
